Looking for the good... in a bad situation

The past two weeks have really been a test for me!   I was ill with an upper respiratory infection and required antibiotics.  After three days of suffering, I was starting to feel better and wouldn't you know it...my grandma lost her balance and took a hard fall.  Seven paramedics, one policeman, a backboard, and a long trip to the emergency room later.....she had broken her hip.  Surgery followed the next day with a four day stay in the ICU post-op.  She had a rough few days with hallucinations and breathing difficulties.

As soon as she started doing better, on Sunday, I took a few hours off to attend a church service.  During the service I stood up and threw out my back!  Monday resulted in another doctor visit with pain killers, muscle relaxants, and steroid prescriptions in my pocket.  Three more days flat on my back with the heating pad and medication and worrying about my grandma in the hospital.  Yesterday she was moved to a rehab facility (with my mom overseeing everything the past few days..THANK YOU MOM) where she will stay until she is stronger.  The goal is to have her return to my house to live.

What a rough two weeks!  Is this a test from God?  I am still processing all that has happened, but have come to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason.  If my grandma had to fall, I am thankful it was at my house and not my parents.  I went into nurse mode checking her over and I think my parents would have had a hard time had she been at their house.

I'm thankful that we were home when she fell and were able to get her medical attention as soon as it happened.  She often stayed by herself for hours at a time and that would have been awful if she would have laid there without being able to get help.

I'm thankful there are others that were able to help with her while I was ill and couldn't.  All of my aunts and uncles, parents, sister, brother-in-law, and husband pitched in so that she had someone with her at the hospital.  We have a huge family and everyone was willing to help.  This incident even brought my estranged aunt to the hospital to help sit with my grandma.  I hadn't seen her in almost three years and it was good to see her.  I wish more of the family would have been there to see her....maybe someday.

So even though it has been a rough two weeks, I am looking for the good in the situation.  I am trying to be a glass half-full kind of person.

I am grateful for my health (yes, I'm feeling better), and I am grateful for my family.  Thank you, God, for both of these things....

Working My Way Up From the Valley

So two weeks ago, I was following Weight Watchers like a person possessed. I worked out everyday, logged all of my food, and completed a challenge that my friend Diana had thrown down for me.....and I lost 5.6 pounds at weigh-in! It felt fabulous! Right on track for the new year.

Two days later, my 92 year-old grandmother moved in with us. Once again, I used a change in my routine as an excuse to not do what I should be doing for MY health. I haven't logged my food, I haven't exercised in ten days, and I skipped my WW meeting so I could get her ready in time for an event we were attending. I put others in front of myself...again.

Now, I don't blame anyone for this. I made the decision to have her move in here. I WANT her to be here. I'm just not doing too well prioritizing MY health. My grandma has just turned into the latest excuse I am using to sabotage myself, again, in my weight loss efforts.

How do I get past the mental block I have? How do I break this addiction to food? How do I get myself to enjoy exercise? I'm still working all that out. I guess for now, I will ask God for guidance and take it one day at a time...and have a healthy salad for lunch.

New Year, New Me

If you've ever read my blog, you will see that I am STILL in an all-too-familiar place. I have been struggling with my weight and fitness goals for YEARS. This year I am determined to make a change! I am labeling 2012 my "GET FIT" year.

I have set tangible goals for myself this year and I am determined to reach these goals. Fitness is a huge goal. I have signed up for the Warrior Dash in June this year. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this race, it is a 5K combined with an obstacle course! I have never done anything like this in my life- so it will be a challenge!

Another goal is to lose enough weight to be able to stop taking my high blood pressure medication. I have been on it for three years and have had the dosage "upped" twice to keep my B/P where it needs to be. I don't want to take this medication any longer!

The third thing I have put into place for myself is to make time for me. I have a lot of new challenges right now in my life. I want to be able to be at my best to handle everything coming my way. I will be carving out time each day that is just for me, to work on me. I will also spend time with God daily.

I would love for you to follow me on this journey. I would love your support along the way and please feel free to comment. It helps me know people are reading and I'm not just talking to myself...lol.

A New Day

Today is a new day. It is Easter and I have taken the day to reflect on the sacrifice that God made for us by sending his Son to die on the cross. The miracle occurred when he rose again.

I need a rebirth. I have decided today would be a great day to readjust my eating habits again. I am back to eating right and I exercised today. The first time in a few weeks. I took a nice long walk and listened to songs about faith, sacrifice, love, and commitment. These are the things I need to do for myself. To have faith that I can make it on this journey. To sacrifice things I think I want, but aren't really good for me. To commit to the process. And most importantly, to love myself enough to see it through.

I'm not promising I will blog everyday, but I would like to use this as an outlet when I am feeling like I can't do it, or when I need a push, or when my fingers need to stay busy doing something other than putting food in my mouth. I commit myself to never weigh 190 pounds again. That was my starting weight this morning.

Wish me luck on the journey and please follow and encourage me along the way....

Hello again....

Some of you may be wondering to where I have disappeared. I'm not really sure I can answer that. It's just that "stuff" has taken over my life. I don't feel like I really have the motivation for the journey most days. I will do well with logging my food and exercising for a few weeks and then I start to slide down that slippery slope again.

My current weight is 191.4. Three weeks ago I was at 184.7. YIKES! It is constantly a roller coaster with me. Last Saturday I ran a 5K in 36:01 and then I didn't exercise all week. My jeans that were lose three weeks ago, are now tight again. Why do I let myself do this?

Food does not make me happy, yet I use it to reward myself. I use it to fill the boredom. I eat when I am stressed out (which is a lot with my job).

I told myself that I would "treat" myself with a pedicure when I got down to 185 lbs. When I got down to that weight, I talked myself out of spending the money for one. Yesterday, I talked myself into going to the ice cream shop because "they will be closing for the summer soon". It was easy for me to spend that money. I don't understand why I rationalize things this way. I felt sick to my stomach all last night (while I sat on the couch and watched a movie)!

This morning I got up and weighed myself to see how much I had put back on. I knew I was going up again because of the way my clothes were fitting. I hadn't weighed myself in almost three weeks. All I did by stepping on the scale was validate the fact that yes, I had gained weight again.

I have to start taking better care of myself. I have to lose all of the excuses I keep making for myself. This truly is the hardest battle I have had in my life. My weight has been a struggle for me my entire life. The one thing I feel I haven't been able to conquer.

I am taking this weekend to really examine my ways of doing things. Maybe I need a different approach. Maybe I need some counseling. Maybe I need to stop blogging, get off my butt and get outside and exercise. "Just Do It" as the Nike slogan says. More to come soon.....

Day 224/250..Have you wondered where I've been?

Well, less than a month before we leave on our trip. Although I haven't hit the mark of where I would like to be in this weight-loss journey, I have lost some weight. When I started this in August, I weighed 200 pounds. I am currently at 184 pounds. That's not a huge loss, but it's a loss. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. That's what I keep telling myself.

I am continuing to try and make small changes all the time. I am still wearing my Bodybugg that I purchased in January. I am writing down my foods (although not everyday) and trying to make good choices.

One of the problems I face is going out to eat. We do it too much and I make poor choices when we do. Our goal for this month is to limit our eating out and cut our spending in half from last month. Too many calories eaten and too many dollars spent.

We have decided to schedule in some activity on our vacation. That will be new for us. We are going to be biking one day, doing LOTS of walking, and visiting a National Forest where we can get in a hike.

Usually we just do the touristy things and eat TONS of food. I have never been hungry on a vacation. I am planning on listening to my body this time, not just looking at the clock for when it's time to eat again. I plan on eating "good for me food", not just "tastes good food".

I plan on enjoying every single minute of the week. I will be spending it with my husband for our tenth anniversary. He will be my focus of attention. I want to spend this time drawing closer to him and enjoying a much needed break for the both of us. Food just doesn't seem as important when you look at the big picture.

I'll post again before we leave so you can see what my final weight is before the vacation. Thank you for listening, and for following, and for leaving feedback....

-Pam

Day 130/250 A New Day

Ok, let me just say that this has been a rough holiday season. Cookies, candies, and home-made carmels and truffles have won the battle over me. But that was just the battle. They have not won the war...

This week I have really been evaluating myself and my weight loss journey. I am nowhere near where I thought I would be on this trip. I thought I would be on this new path to a healthier place. The fact is, I am at a place that is very familiar to me. The same path I have been on all of my adult life. Still struggling daily with my weight and making poor choices. Still making the easier choice of watching television or playing on the computer instead of exercising. Still cooking what's convenient instead of planning out my meals. I'm needing to do some soul searching.

I truly believe that I have an addiction to food. I think this is one of the hardest battles to win. When someone has a smoking addiction they try to stay away from the cigarettes. When someone has a drinking addiction they stay out of the bars. When someone can't handle gambling or porn or anything that can be addicting, they should remove themselves from that temptation.

With a food addiction it's a different story. You have to eat to stay alive. It feels like telling an alcoholic that he can't drink, but he needs to have just ONE beer a day to stay alive. You can't stay away from food. You can't remove yourself from the temptation.

When you go to the grocery store, you have to walk past the bakery to get to the fresh produce. You can smell the fried chicken from the deli counter while your standing at the seafood counter trying to pick out fresh fish. You have to wade through the bagels and white bread to find something made with whole-wheat. Then while you are waiting in line to pay, you are flanked on both sides by candy bars, sugary drinks, salty nuts, and hard candy. The grocery store is like a battlefield. Land mines and booby-traps at every turn, down every aisle!

So what do I need to do to start losing weight and getting healthy? I have to have my will-power and determination be stronger forces then my love of junk food and inactivity. That simple. Black and white.

I have to get off my butt and watch what I put in my mouth. That simple. Black and white.

I have to burn more calories than I consume. That simple. Black and white.

I have come up with a strategy, a plan if you will, to make this happen. I will be setting concrete goals for myself.

The first step is writing down everything I put into my mouth. Journaling is a proven tool for weight loss.

The next step is exercise. I have tried to figure out when I can squeeze exercise into my schedule. I have decided to sign up for core classes at the YMCA. I will be going to the Y on my way to work in the mornings so there is no excuse that I'm too tired. My first spin class is Monday morning at 6:15 am. I can still be to work by 8:00 am. I figure I get up every Friday already at 4:45 am to go to work, so why can't I do that on other mornings and get in a workout?

I have also ordered The Bodybugg. Have you heard of these? It's the cool little gadget that the contestants wear on The Biggest Loser. It tracks all of your activity and lets you know how many calories you are burning throughout the day. Basically, it's a tool to let you know if you are putting in enough effort for a weight loss. You plug your food into their website for the day, you download the info from your Bodybugg for the day, and if you are staying on track, you should see a calorie deficit for all of your hard work! I LOVE seeing concrete information like that. I am more of a short-term goal person, so I LOVE this idea.

I have also decided to join a challenge at work that starts on Monday. It's like "The Biggest Loser". There are six or seven women that will be weighing in every Monday. We are each putting five dollars into the pot each week. The biggest percentage of weight loss for the week gets half of the pot. This will go on for twelve weeks. At the end of the twelve weeks, the person with the biggest percentage of weight loss overall, wins the rest of the money collected through all twelve weeks. I love a challenge, and I'm just a little competitive, so this should help with the motivation.

All of the tools are at my disposal. I am getting my body, mind, and soul in sync so I can make this happen.

Well, my project for today is to clean out the refrigerator, organize the cupboards, and see what I have on-hand to start the new year. Wish me luck and keep reading my blog. I hope to be posting more often.

-Pam