Hello again....

Some of you may be wondering to where I have disappeared. I'm not really sure I can answer that. It's just that "stuff" has taken over my life. I don't feel like I really have the motivation for the journey most days. I will do well with logging my food and exercising for a few weeks and then I start to slide down that slippery slope again.

My current weight is 191.4. Three weeks ago I was at 184.7. YIKES! It is constantly a roller coaster with me. Last Saturday I ran a 5K in 36:01 and then I didn't exercise all week. My jeans that were lose three weeks ago, are now tight again. Why do I let myself do this?

Food does not make me happy, yet I use it to reward myself. I use it to fill the boredom. I eat when I am stressed out (which is a lot with my job).

I told myself that I would "treat" myself with a pedicure when I got down to 185 lbs. When I got down to that weight, I talked myself out of spending the money for one. Yesterday, I talked myself into going to the ice cream shop because "they will be closing for the summer soon". It was easy for me to spend that money. I don't understand why I rationalize things this way. I felt sick to my stomach all last night (while I sat on the couch and watched a movie)!

This morning I got up and weighed myself to see how much I had put back on. I knew I was going up again because of the way my clothes were fitting. I hadn't weighed myself in almost three weeks. All I did by stepping on the scale was validate the fact that yes, I had gained weight again.

I have to start taking better care of myself. I have to lose all of the excuses I keep making for myself. This truly is the hardest battle I have had in my life. My weight has been a struggle for me my entire life. The one thing I feel I haven't been able to conquer.

I am taking this weekend to really examine my ways of doing things. Maybe I need a different approach. Maybe I need some counseling. Maybe I need to stop blogging, get off my butt and get outside and exercise. "Just Do It" as the Nike slogan says. More to come soon.....