Hello again....

Some of you may be wondering to where I have disappeared. I'm not really sure I can answer that. It's just that "stuff" has taken over my life. I don't feel like I really have the motivation for the journey most days. I will do well with logging my food and exercising for a few weeks and then I start to slide down that slippery slope again.

My current weight is 191.4. Three weeks ago I was at 184.7. YIKES! It is constantly a roller coaster with me. Last Saturday I ran a 5K in 36:01 and then I didn't exercise all week. My jeans that were lose three weeks ago, are now tight again. Why do I let myself do this?

Food does not make me happy, yet I use it to reward myself. I use it to fill the boredom. I eat when I am stressed out (which is a lot with my job).

I told myself that I would "treat" myself with a pedicure when I got down to 185 lbs. When I got down to that weight, I talked myself out of spending the money for one. Yesterday, I talked myself into going to the ice cream shop because "they will be closing for the summer soon". It was easy for me to spend that money. I don't understand why I rationalize things this way. I felt sick to my stomach all last night (while I sat on the couch and watched a movie)!

This morning I got up and weighed myself to see how much I had put back on. I knew I was going up again because of the way my clothes were fitting. I hadn't weighed myself in almost three weeks. All I did by stepping on the scale was validate the fact that yes, I had gained weight again.

I have to start taking better care of myself. I have to lose all of the excuses I keep making for myself. This truly is the hardest battle I have had in my life. My weight has been a struggle for me my entire life. The one thing I feel I haven't been able to conquer.

I am taking this weekend to really examine my ways of doing things. Maybe I need a different approach. Maybe I need some counseling. Maybe I need to stop blogging, get off my butt and get outside and exercise. "Just Do It" as the Nike slogan says. More to come soon.....

Day 224/250..Have you wondered where I've been?

Well, less than a month before we leave on our trip. Although I haven't hit the mark of where I would like to be in this weight-loss journey, I have lost some weight. When I started this in August, I weighed 200 pounds. I am currently at 184 pounds. That's not a huge loss, but it's a loss. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. That's what I keep telling myself.

I am continuing to try and make small changes all the time. I am still wearing my Bodybugg that I purchased in January. I am writing down my foods (although not everyday) and trying to make good choices.

One of the problems I face is going out to eat. We do it too much and I make poor choices when we do. Our goal for this month is to limit our eating out and cut our spending in half from last month. Too many calories eaten and too many dollars spent.

We have decided to schedule in some activity on our vacation. That will be new for us. We are going to be biking one day, doing LOTS of walking, and visiting a National Forest where we can get in a hike.

Usually we just do the touristy things and eat TONS of food. I have never been hungry on a vacation. I am planning on listening to my body this time, not just looking at the clock for when it's time to eat again. I plan on eating "good for me food", not just "tastes good food".

I plan on enjoying every single minute of the week. I will be spending it with my husband for our tenth anniversary. He will be my focus of attention. I want to spend this time drawing closer to him and enjoying a much needed break for the both of us. Food just doesn't seem as important when you look at the big picture.

I'll post again before we leave so you can see what my final weight is before the vacation. Thank you for listening, and for following, and for leaving feedback....

-Pam